Bad Fanfiction. Do not read.

First off, I must apologize, but the next chapter of "Even Without Him" will not be finished before "Marauders to the End" starts. Sorry for anyone who cared.

Now that that's taken care of, let's talk about Twilight.

I hated Twilight. Or at least, I hated the first book and the first movie, which was all I looked at before forming that opinion. My problem wasn't just the terrible writing-- as a fan fiction aficionado, I have dealt with much worse writing. My problem wasn't even really the hype. I'd be a hypocrite if I said it was, considering my decade-long obsession with Harry Potter. No, like many people, my problem was with Bella.

But my problem is different from other people's. I don't hate Bella because she's boring. I don't hate her because she's a horrible person. No, I hate Bella for the reason many girls love her-- I see why too much of myself in Bella Swan. But that's not a good thing, because the parts of myself that I see in Bella are the things I hate about myself. Manipulative? Check. Dependent? Check. Obsession with boys named "Cullen?" Check. Pretentious interests? Check. Emotionless? Check.

Now, keep in mind these were the qualities I had when I first read Twilight at the age of sixteen. Since then, I like to think that I have improved on all of these deficiencies. I still have my failings, but I'm working on it, and I certainly didn't settle down with some guy at the age of eighteen. But the fact still remains that Bella is everything I don't like about myself, which makes all of these things even more repulsive in another person. But since I saw all these qualities in Bella, I was able to change them in myself-- but that's a topic for another blog.

So I read the first book, and I saw the first movie, and then I just ignored the rest of the phenomenon as much as I could, a difficult feat when my sister liked the books and my dad took her to see the first three movies since he also read the books (I don't know if he enjoyed them), and when the franchise refuses to go away. I occasionally joined in the mocking, and I did watch all of Spoony's vlogs on the topic, which are all hilarious, even the one he did while completely smashed. (I say this in all respect-- Noah Antwiler has balls if he got through all five of these films.) And that was the end of it.

Or I thought it was until "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part Two" came out. I watched every single vlog on the movie except for the Cinema Snob's, and that's only because Brad Jones guest starred in Spoony's review so I had already heard his opinion. And every single one of those videos ended up saying the same thing: Go see this movie.

As you probably know, I have the deepest respect for the reviewers, current and former, of Channel Awesome, so when seven of them tell me to go see a movie, I will definitely make an effort to see it. Obviously, I wasn't going to pay nine dollars to watch Twilight, so I had to wait a while. But it was date night for me and JoJo tonight, so we decided to rent a bad movie, and since the video store in Fucking Nowhere doesn't have the Star Wars prequels, our next choice was "Breaking Dawn Part Two."

I just finished watching it, and let me tell you: all seven of those reviewers were right. This movie is brilliant. It is so hilariously bad that JoJo and I couldn't stop giggling through most of it. The creepy CG baby? Laughably bad. The scene where Jacob strips for Billy Burke? Hilarious. Michael Sheen's epic squee when he sees the child? Fucking genius. We both already knew about the twist ending, so we weren't terribly disappointed, but it was still a dumb cop-out, and that was so epically bad that I couldn't resist laughing.

But the one thing JoJo and I agreed on was that this movie was mis-focused. As mentioned above, I haven't seen the middle three Twilight films, but a common complaint about them is that all the side characters are far more interesting than Edward and Bella. That was abundantly clear in this movie. We spent most of the movie saying that it should have been about Garrett and Kate, who have more chemistry, more personality, and a generally much more interesting story to tell. Hell, Noah Antwiler said that Edward and Bella were no longer driving the conflict of the story, and he was right. Breaking Dawn Part Two isn't about them-- it's about Renesme and Jacob, and at a more basic level, Michael Sheen and Alice. It's the story of a dictator trying gain a weapon shown through the eyes of two boring side characters. Or if you want a romance (between a werewolf and a child-- creepy), it's like Sleeping Beauty told through the eyes of the King and Queen. The action is not centered on our two leads, so why do we keep following them?

I don't know.

The big problem with this movie, though, is it leaves room for a sequel. Now, as epically bad and enjoyable as this movie was, the last thing we need is another one. Please, Stephanie Meyer, do not write more of this shit. It won't get better.

As mentioned before, I have been reading and writing fan fiction for more than ten years, ever since I discovered the medium. Over the last seven years, I have written more than forty fan fics and am quite proud of most of them (a few exceptions are/will be noted).

Then one day, my friend Melanie as me, "why?" Why do we write fan fiction? What's the point?

I tried to answer, but I really needed to think about it. Because, really, writing fan fiction, is, well, kind of silly. All it is is either ridiculous AUs, wild speculations, or porn, with a few serious characters studies here and there.

But then I realized that's exactly why I write fan fiction. I've read or watched all the canon stories, and I want more. I want to explore the characters and setting more, see how they react in different situations and to other characters they didn't necessarily interact with in the books. I like writing character studies and really exploring how they feel and react to canon or even non-canon events. I like speculating about what will happen next, even if it's in a series that's over.

I write fan fiction to try new things that help me become a better write in other ways. Most fan fiction communities are non-judgemental and offer constructive criticism, so trying new styles or topics is always rewarded. I would never attempt second-person perspective in my regular writing, but in fan fiction, it's okay and kind of fun, and maybe someday I'll be able to write a whole book like that.

So why do we write fan fiction? Simply put, it helps us become better writers by allowing us to experiment with style and address important topics without the pressure of creating characters. It's a way to bring fans together and express their love for the creation. It's a chance to explore the world and learn more about characters we didn't spend too much time with in canon. It's an excuse to write events and see how they affect everyone, not just the main character.

Or we just want free porn.

I know this blog says that it is a place for bad fan fiction and insights about that. However, due to several recent discussions I have been following, I feel a need to write this post. Besides which, I think there is a grand total of three people who actually ever look at my blog, so I doubt anyone will mind.

As you can probably guess by my fan fiction output on this blog, I am a fan of the web series Atop the Fourth Wall, and have a rather embarrassing crush on Lewis Lovhaug, despite the fact that I have never met the man and our total interaction thus far has consisted of a few rather one-sided witty exchanges on Twitter. And no, I'm not saying what my Twitter name is because I never want the good Mr. Lovhaug to know I spend my spare time writing terrible fan fics about his alter-ego. As a fan of the series, I usually read through the comments on ThatGuyWithTheGlasses and skim through the ones on the blogspot. Occasionally, I will add my voice to the conversation if I find it especially thought-provoking, or, more often, populated by bigoted assholes.

Never has there been a more egregious example of the second type than in the comments for last Monday's video, a review of Frank Miller's All-Star Batman and Robin #5, in which Wonder Woman, the most recognized, admired, and unfortunately most mishandled female superhero in the entire comic book industry, was portrayed as a man-hating straw feminist who was angry at the world and just needed a good, strong, authoritative man (Superman) to show her the way. Mr. Lovhaug, ever giving me more reasons to love him, spoke out against this portrayal of Wonder Woman and feminists as a whole. And my thought was: why are there not more men like him in this world?

So you can imagine my anger when some people stood up in defense of Miller's portrayal of Wonder Woman, saying feminists were actually like that, and that feminism is bad because women are more suited to staying in the home while men take charge of the world. (I'm paraphrasing here-- there were at least three people between the sites defending this viewpoint and frankly, their arguments were a little bit lost on me.) This discussion has gone on for almost four days, and frankly, I'm getting rather tired trying to follow it, so I just want to say my piece here, even though no one will read it, and then get on with my life.

The basic thesis of the arguments boiled down to this: Men and women are biologically unequal and should mold to the prescribed roles of modern western society wherein the male is the strong, authoritative person and the female is the nice, submissive person. I do not prescribe to this viewpoint, and as a woman, I am deeply angry at the suggestion that my only purpose in life is to have babies. However, I would be willing to dismiss the defenders of that viewpoint as misogynistic morons if not for one important factor: one of the people arguing for it is a woman.

I won't say her screen name here-- that seems a little bit unfair. However, this lady has stated that she believes that women should stay in the home and that she herself wants to be a homebuilder. And I say to her, more power to you, because homebuilding is one of the most unfairly marginalized roles in modern society, mostly because it carries the stigma of females. However, I don't respect her opinion that every woman should want to be a homebuilder. I'm not suited to that role. I know lots of women unsuited to that role. And I know plenty of men who would be suited to being house-husbands in spite of society's expectation that men go out an work. To presume to speak for every woman is a crime, and her views set feminism back about fifty years. Another reason I'm writing this here-- Mr. Lovhaug expects people to be respectful to each other on his blog and I'd rather not anger him at the moment.

Speaking of which, I was even willing to let our poor backwards little housewife off until another woman, a strong feminist, attacked her and said that this girl and people like her are the problem with society. While I may agree that the views presented are outdated and harmful, I was also offended at the feminist who attacked another woman for having a different viewpoint. Honestly, it probably set the argument back quite a ways, since the whole thing started with people saying that the angry, man-hating Wonder Woman was an accurate portrayal of feminism. And this girl, by acting like an angry feminist, kind of made their point for them.

So what's the point of all this? Well, first, that there are still horrible chauvinistic people in the world. But second, that we forgot in having this discussion, what the original point was, and I would like to make that point now.

I am currently studying to become a journalist, which is a field that is acceptable for women to go into. But I'm not going in as a woman. I am going in as a superhero. I am Peter Parker instead of April O'Neil. I am Clark Kent as opposed to Lois Lane. It is unfortunate that the ladies get the shaft, but there you have it.

I am a strong woman who gets put down into stereotypes. I am a woman, so I must be submissive and make babies. I am not and I will not. I am a feminist, so I must be a man-hating butch girl. As said above, I do like men, and I am a feminine person by nature. I wear dresses on Sunday, I can run in heels, I like jewelry and can put on mascara with my mouth closed.

I am Wonder Woman. I am the strong, the kind, and the too-often misrepresented girl trying to save the world. I can be a superhero worthy of taking on Batman or Superman, and nothing you say can stop me.

And Mr. Lovhaug, if you ever read this, thank you for allowing us to have this discussion, even though I'm sure you're sick of it by now.